Secret of Mine
by SamNny
Summary: Kaori dwells on her past and remembers a certain someone she would have loved to confide in. It's alright, though, because he understood her from the moment they met. KaoriXJun


There were days when I thought he'd understand. Most of the time, I just pushed everyone else away and left myself to deal with or ignore my feelings. I didn't know a soul in the world who was experiencing what I was, so what was the use in talking to them? To get things off my chest? What good would it do? If anything, it would only make them feel bad. They'd worry about me and my emotional state or they'd take pity on me and my family. They'd only make things worse, right?

But every now and again, I'd let things bottle up for a little too long. I would _want_ to talk to someone – someone in particular, that is – but I'd be too _stubborn _to actually do so. You see, despite being well liked and having many friends to turn to, they just never seemed like the right people to talk to. I got that feeling that they'd try and coddle me and they'd start to look at me differently. Iwanted their understanding and support, not weird looks and extra attention.

But even so, I managed to find one person whom I thought would at least kind of give me the reaction I was looking for. He was pretty obnoxious most of the time and he seemed to have a real arrogance about him, but I knew it was all a show. Despite how it looked to others, I really did like and have a relationship with him. He wasn't _always _that kid that followed me around like a puppy dog. We would eat lunch together, hang out after school, and have study dates. He was way too clingy and I had a constant urge to punch him square in the jaw, but I always knew he was a really sweet guy.

Yeah, that Jun Kitagawa really was something else.

I purposely avoided him most of the time so people wouldn't get the wrong idea about us. Well, the wrong idea that was actually the right idea, but I didn't really want to the right idea to be a thing because of everything that was going on with my home life. Did that make sense?

You see, Jun had no problem letting the whole world know that he liked me. Despite what everyone thought, he wasn't just after me for my looks. Jun was a lot more than meets the eye and he really took the time to get to know me. He knew my interests, my hobbies, my favorite color and animal. He would tag along on my shopping trips and hold my bags, he'd carry my books, and open doors for me. He was a true gentleman, despite his cocky and egotistical attitude.

I'd be lying if I said I'd loved him from the start. When I first met him, I thought he was a mega-jerk. He'd wander up from out of nowhere and hit on me and I'd turn him down in a heartbeat. Sure, he was good looking, but a crappy personality would get him nowhere with me. I might have appeared to be shallow, but I didn't want a guy to flaunt me around like a trophy. I wanted a guy that would treat me like a princess and loved me for who I was, not what I looked like. It looked like that was asking for a lot from a high school boy, so I never really went for boys, but… he changed my mind.

It took a few years, of course. I wasn't so easily swayed by his charm. I was naturally wary and suspicious of his schemes. I always thought he had a hidden agenda, so I made sure to keep my guard up. It wasn't long before it became my second nature to be a step ahead of him. But there was this one incident, and I'll never forget it, where he effortlessly broke my defenses and made me start to trust him.

You see, there was this one jerk, I don't even remember his name, and he was flirting with me. I thought he was cute, but I knew his type and let him down easy. The big idiot wouldn't take no for an answer and kept pestering me. I ended up telling him straight to his face that I wasn't interested in a relationship with him. I made everything plain and simple, easy to understand. He seemed upset, but like he got the message. He left me alone for about a week and I was satisfied with myself. Then he decided to make a comeback.

He followed me home from school one day. He jogged up beside me and started making small talk – like he was a friend of mine or something. I paid no mind to it at first and talked back. Everything seemed fine until he started apologizing for his behavior. It would have normally been sweet and I would have thanked him, but there was something creepy about him. His eyes told me that that something bad was going to happen.

To make a long story short, he jumped me and was all over me. Jun just so happened to be walking by, caught sight of some random guy all over me, and he lost his mind. He wasn't very strong, and he had no fighting experience whatsoever, but he put up a fight. He did his best, though he lost, but the creep ran off when a group of students came walking by and almost busted him. I helped Jun stand up and took him back to my house where my mother proceeded to patch him up. She fell in love with him from that moment on.

He'd been by my side ever since that day. He'd still made passes at me, but he knew better than to force himself upon me. He was just having his own fun. He got annoying real fast, and part of my only hung out with him out of moral obligation, but there was something about him that I just couldn't shake. There was always something in his eyes or his smile that told me not to push him away. Underneath his quirky and self-obsessed exterior there was a wonderful man, I thought.

So when things with Shiori started going downhill, I was a total wreck. It only lasted for about a week, but it was pretty rough. I hardly ate, hardly slept, my grades took a dive, and appearance deteriorated. My friends were all concerned about me, but they only made things worse. They pestered me with questions, refused to leave me alone, and lectured me about how I needed to take better care of myself. By the end of the third day, I couldn't take it anymore. Then Jun walked up to me after school and put his hand on my shoulder. He smiled at me and told me he was there for me if I wanted someone to talk to. Then he offered to walk me home. He was the one person who didn't attack me and I was so grateful for that.

I cleaned my act up after that week and told everyone a fake story as to what happened to me. They all bought it and told me not to scare them like that again. I knew Nayuki knew something was off, but she backed off and didn't question it. Jun didn't believe me either, but took the same approach. They both figured that if I wanted to talk about it, I would come to them if I decided to.

One would think that I would just pour my heart out to Nayuki, but it wasn't that simple. I knew she wouldn't judge me, but I just felt like she would overwhelm me with her pity. I knew she would start to ask me questions about Shiori and my family and I just couldn't deal with it. Having to go over everything when I only wanted to vent glimpses and bits of it to her made me feel depressed. She was one of those people that had to know all of the details and I just didn't think my heart could take it.

Jun, on the other hand, just struck me as the kind of person that would never force me to say anything I didn't want to. Maybe it was just because I didn't want to believe he was that kind of person, or maybe I just had that much faith in him, but I just felt like I could tell him anything. I didn't, of course, and everyone eventually found out about Shiori being my sister, and her illness, and everything else.

I was upset, furious, and numb all at the same time. I knew what Yuichi was trying to do, but I just didn't feel ready for it. He gave me no choice and it worked out in the end, but still… I felt a lingering pang of guilt for not telling Jun my most heavily guarded secret before the whole world knew. I knew telling him before everyone else would make him feel special and it would hopefully tell him just how much I trusted him. That was the whole idea – to tell him how I felt.

So that leads us back to where this all began. Despite having an overwhelming need to tell him my secret, it was also my subconscious way of telling him how I felt. I had never felt so loved and cared for by anyone. I wanted him to know that. But I guess it was his turn to be a step ahead of me.

He wasn't mad at me for keeping this a secret. He even told me that he understood, saying that people dealt with grief in their own way. He proceeded to comfort me with a hug and he stroked my hair. I must have cried on his shoulder for a good fifteen minutes before just clutching onto his shirt. I don't even know how long he stayed with me after that to make sure that _I _was alright. He wasn't concerned about Shiori, he was worried about me. Well, he was worried about her, too, but I was more important to him. I knew that times like these were no time to be selfish, but… I just couldn't help it. Knowing that I was going to lose my sister, I needed to feel loved by someone else. A love that my parents couldn't give me.

Jun filled that void, surpassed my expectations, and then some. He would never be able to replace Shiori after she was gone, but at least I knew he would always be there. It was about time that I started showing him the same love and kindness that he had showed me all of these years. I made it the official gossip around school that we were crazy in love and going out and I remember him running up to me like a mad man and asking if it were true. I gave him a quick kiss and asked him if he still needed to ask that question. He just smiled like the idiot he was and went to go brag to everyone he knew. He must have talked Yuichi's ear off.

* * *

"A/N: God, I hope I didn't butcher this. It's been several months since I've seen Kanon, but I remember thinking Kaori and Jun were an adorable couple. They were so underrated, though, because they were minor characters. I still liked them. Please let me know what you guys thought of this story, I know I'm the only one who's written for this couple. Tell me if I was OOC, the idea was stupid, not plausible, poorly written, etc. Feedback always helps and I'd like to write more for these guys in the future. So… review? "


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